Mental health is not something I talk openly and often about. This week (14-20 May 2018) is Mental Health Awareness weekend seamed appropriate to open up and let me you tell you depression and anxiety sucks.
I have suffered anxiety as long as I can remember although, it was only about 4 years ago that I acknowledged or regcognised that It was anxiety I was dealing with. Anxiety for me is worrying about worrying, it’s shying away from social situations because you become a ball of nervousness for reasons you can’t explain, it can be utterly crippling. On my worst days it is blatant it’s written all over me. Those days used to be all consuming to the point I couldn’t function On those days my emotions were on my sleeve and you would see me physically shake. I have recently learned to recognise and rein these attacks in however can still be limiting.
Highly stressed my anxiety attacks reached a peak spring of 2017 and depression reared it’s ugly head. I became a completely different person taking to my bed mostly unwilling and not wanting to deal with anything or anyone. I was ashamed that I had to seek help and medication to get me out of that dark place. The place where you care to much about not actually caring it’s a bizarre head battle to find yourself in.
The thing that has helped me most, apart from having brilliant family and friends to turn to, was and remains running. Finding that me time, the setting of goals and achieving them, the ability to clear the mind by just completing 1 mile along with the physical improvements.
Now I am medication free and far from the dark place I was when the stress kicks in and anxiety starts to surface I have learned to pick up the running shoes, put on some random tunes and handle it.